The Mountaineer Retweet: The Great Bye and Bye

by: Brandon Priddy

@abpriddy

 

Just when you thought a Mountaineer season that led off with home tilts against Georgia Southern and Liberty couldn’t get off to a slower start, we didn’t play ANYONE this week. But just because WVU is on a bye doesn’t mean we’re taking the week off here at the Retweet – they people need their tweets! Let’s get things rolling as we prepare for the biggest test of an early season.

Flattery will get you everywhere, including a shoutout in the Retweet.

This gets the award for “most creative use of a meme.” I’d feel sorry for that UVa student, but a) this is probably the most significant adversity he’s faced in life and b) I’m still pissed off about the 2002 Tire Bowl and their jackass marching band.

For the record my birthday is on Thursday, so if anyone is looking for a last-minute gift idea, I’ll take one of these.

As some of you know I’m actually a Kentucky grad and therefore a Cats fan as well as a Mountaineer fan, and UK fans were not thrilled with the offense putting up 9 points against Florida (in the process stretching a touchdown-less streak to 6 quarters).

And a lot of that ire was/is directed at former WVU offensive coordinator and current UK OC Shannon Dawson. But hey, the season is young and trust me when I say there’s certainly more enthusiasm around that program than there’s been in awhile. I think (hope) he’ll get things on track this week against Missouri.

Now let’s hit the funniest thing to happen on Saturday, Kliff Kingsbury crushing Bret Bielema.

OK, maybe the third funniest thing.

I’ll just watching this GIF on loop for a few minutes. Be right back.

That’s an amazing statistic. And let’s not pretend those losses are all to Notre Dame, either. I remember some bed soilings against MAC teams and even the occasional FCS squad. Youngstown State, anyone? It’s just been enjoyable watching that entire program fail time and time again for the past two and a half decades and it doesn’t seem like our show will be ending anytime soon.

And then there was this – poor Longhorns. I think #SinceTexas has worked out even worse for them than Geno Smith.

Well, maybe not.

But hey, let’s get to the main event.

“That’s a program that prides themselves on physicality. At the Texas High School Coach’s convention this summer he stood up and said ‘if you don’t play with a fullback we’ll kick your ass and if you throw it 70 times a game we’ll kick your ass’. Well he just got his ass kicked twice in a row and probably again next week against (Texas) A&M as well, so that did feel good.”

This was straight fire. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard one coach say about another “well he just got his ass kicked.” A little context here, Kingsbury is a Texas guy through and through and clearly took it personally when Bielema evidently called out those who run the spread offense. And it certainly wasn’t the first time (this month) that Bielema shot off his mouth, so I’d say he had this coming. Don’t let your mouth write checks your team can’t cash.

I just like that this was a guy who was clearly agitated and knew exactly what he wanted to say. I’d bet my Steve Slaton jersey that Kingsbury has had this little script in his head for quite awhile just in case his team was able to pull it out against the Razorbacks. I like picturing him in the mirror practicing it, getting just the right words and tone, nodding quietly to himself, walking away….pausing…..then reaching for that little flower and pinning it to his lapel. Because the only thing better than torching a grown man is doing it with a flower in your lapel.

See, Texas finds their quarterback AND loses in one of the most painful ways imaginable. Everybody wins!

Good times! Let’s keep it rolling!

I’ve always thought “you know what Dwight Wallace needs in that booth? Flower print shirts. Make it happen, IMG!

I’m not saying I told ya, but I told ya.

That’s right, we’re free. At long last, Nick Saban’s crimson clad Deathmobile, which has been plowing its way through our college football parade since 2009, is no more. It has been a difficult tenure to endure. One long run-on sentence of murdered trees and tattoos and houndstooth and bad grammar and trailers and more tattoos and ROLL TIDE and boring-ass power football and grumblings about ‘gimmick football’ and one dour little man who seemed to stare into your very soul as he gave on-field interviews. But now, as we see the mammoth reeling from a two-game losing streak, we see a creature whose  vulnerability hasn’t been so evident (or really even present) since its last two-game losing streak over five years ago.

I wrote that a year ago – long before Ohio State throttled the Tide en route to their national title and way long before Ole Miss dropped 43 points in Tuscaloosa to notch a win over Bama for the second straight year. Dynasties have a shelf life and Bama is that expired yogurt that nobody wants. It’s been real, Tide.

That’s a picture taken from Alabama’s game against WVU last year and it will never not make me smile.

You know what – I just don’t like Baylor. As one of the most penalized teams in all of college football they’re undisciplined on the field and as the school that admitted Sam Ukwuachu (who has since been sentenced to 180 days in jail for rape) despite being appraised of his history of violence against w0men (Briles lied about that, too) they don’t exercise terribly good judgment off it, either. And now it would appear they can’t even keep a rein on things during an off week. At worst they deployed an assistant coach to watch a conference opponent in a flagrant violation of decorum and rules, and at best Briles runs things so fast and loose with the rules that his assistant didn’t even think twice about doing something so atypical. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say at some point in the next few years the NCAA will spend some time in Waco. And I will enjoy it.

And with this we’ll end the relaxing fun of a bye week and look ahead to Week 4’s opponent. The Maryland Terrapins were unspectacular in their 48-27 home loss to Bowling Green but regained a little respect with a 35-17 win over South Florida. The book on the Terps is pretty simple – don’t punt to Will Likely. He’s already taken 2 punts back for scores and boasts the second highest return average in America at 28.08 yards per return. What’s really scary is it’s on 12 returns, not 4 or 5 like everyone else at the top of that list.

What’s really insane is that opposing teams were stupid enough to punt to him 12 times. That’s straight Russian Roulette and WVU knows all too well what can happen when you tempt fate. Likely’s 69 yard punt return for a score closed out a furious Terps rally to tie last year’s game and they can’t afford a repeat. Nick O’Toole has been rocketing the ball off his foot for good distance thus far, but he’ll need to be more concerned with finesse than force this week. If he can keep those balls near the sideline, the Mountaineers take away the Terps most potent weapon.

We’ll have more on WVU’s upcoming test this week as the ‘eers get set to take on what’s always a bellweather game against Maryland. We’ll talk soon.

LET’S GOOOOOOOO!!